Life as a preschooler’s mom.

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It’s been almost a month since I started my new job and I am swamped! Can’t describe how tired I am and so exhausted that I felt like I’m not myself anymore. Been lacking sleep, eating irregularly and spending more time on the road than anything else! Sigh… I’m not complaining, just needed to recognize the fact that like it or not, our lifestyle has change tremendously since Ju-Hann starts school and I take a leap in my career. It’s not easy on us, and it’s certainly not easy for the little one. I felt so bad the other day that I let it out of him as I was batshit tired, stress (due to work’s deadline) that I shouted at him for being ignorant to what I said. I was angry, at my wit’s end and I ran out of ideas on how to persuade that little person to just get down from the friggin’ stairs and put on his shoes!! I was so angry that I just ignore him all the way while on the drive back. At that moment, I really lost it and started crying.  Why would someone I love so unconditionally won’t listen to me and take instructions from me? Why can’t he just be quiet and play by himself and let me get some work done?? It’s so so hard to juggle between my work and my responsibility as a mommy.

I felt so awful after the whole fiasco. When I shrugged myself to my senses and I realized that as much as I’m stress/tired/exhausted, my little one must have felt the same way, but with a much much bigger magnitude. He gotta wake up at 6:30am, endure 1 hour jam on the road (on average), being dumped at school, surrounded my unfamiliar people, thrown to new challenges and activities, learning to share (both toys as well as attention)…& after school, he’ll either wait for me or hubbs if we happen to stay late before we endure another long journey home. It must be so so hard on him! I took for granted that despite all that, he loves going to school, and he’s never shit his pants!

I’m sorry Ju-Hann, mommy’s still learning this parenting stuff, I promise to be better, and I promise that I will learn to compartmentalize my emotional state between work and family. Let’s do this together okay?

{That darling, every time we take a pic of him, he will say ‘1, 2, smile…’. Yes, he was bitten, by a 18 month old girl, because he took her craft material without asking #preschoolbanter}

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