Reflection. Revelation. Resolution.

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Looking back at my blog, I’ve not been keeping this blog for the longest time. I post less than the years before. Probably due to the 2 weeks Europe trip, there’s been lots of to-do list, chores, work, and mommy’s duty that I’m constantly running to fulfill. Even when I’m relaxing, I’m thinking about the next task that I need to manage, the next chores that I need to complete. I’m becoming a machine, running around from the moment I wake up to the moment I fell asleep, so much so that I’ve forgotten how to enjoy the moment. I’ve come to this realization when hubs brought me for a surprise movie after work, instead of savoring the moment, my mind starts to scramble and I got antsy worrying for the kids, as well as the chores that I set out to do (i.e. getting the school uniform).

I’ve also realized that I start getting impatient, easily annoyed especially when it comes to the kids. I yelled, I screamed and I’m constantly rushing them that I get so frustrated and I let it out on my kids. I can see myself turning into someone that I loathe and I started to ask myself, how does all the Instagram mommy do it? Their life seems flawless – obedient kids, astounding well being, houses that seems magically clean 24/7. And I feel so awful soon after.

In December, I came across 3 things that made me discover a new revelation and made me embark on the journey of mindfulness:

  1. This video
  2. This tweet
  3. This magazine

And so, I started these 3 routines:

Writing morning pages.
Social Media Detox.
Meditation.

And it helps. I started to write, remind myself to be grateful for the little things (again), be in the moment and celebrate each milestone (instead of losses), one day at a time. Cutting off social media gained me so much time to indulge in reading, spending quality time with kids. Although I don’t see myself gaining much from meditation, I do want to continue it as a motivation to keep me calm and focus.

As we’re coming to an end of year 2018, there will not be any resolution but to continue these routines of mindfulness and hopefully I (& my family) see a better version of myself in this coming new year.