Sharing.

IMG_20190317_212658_358Upon hearing our dear friend’s sis passing, I was caught at a situation where I have to share and explain the news to JH, since he knows our dear friend. He said: “It’s okay, I can share my sister with aunty Jody, then she’ll have a sister again.” I shed a tear. I gave him a big tight hug. He might not know the true meaning of life and death but his heart of gold makes me so proud to be his Mama! This boy’s compassion is through the roof!

If only we can share our loved ones…

 

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About death.

Lately there’s so much devastated news I don’t even know where to begin. The worst was today, when the new of the big C diagnosed to one of my loved one’s family. It just hit way too close to home. And it got me thinking about death itself.

I’ve read ‘when breath becomes air’, ‘being mortal’ and lately ‘the bright hour’. I don’t know why, and I can’t explain why I’m drawn to reading morbid books about life & death. They weren’t easy read for sure, but I find the rawness, real, thought-provoking, inspiration and strength are a comfort to my inner self to grapple with my own mortality.

Maybe I just needed to know there’s more to life than sweating over spilled milk (from my kids)?
Maybe I just needed it to remind myself how lucky I am to be experiencing all the little mundane things that we take for granted?
Or Maybe, just maybe I would like to prepare for it if it ever… ?(I was too young to understand when death took my dad away when I was 4)

What I’ve realized is, as life experience & relationship builds up, the reality of our own (& our loved one) vulnerability & fragility as human beings can set it, and it’s pretty scary, as death (and road to death) is unknown.

Today when I got home, I gave my kids the tightest hugs. Afraid to let go… because this moment, this very moment is so precious that it breaks my heart. Here I am sitting down, writing this, hugging and sniffing my daughter’s mini bolster that she’d left out on the sofa. I vowed to myself, from this moment, I will soak up this life of mine, the good moment and the bad moment, because life is just too fragile to be wasted.

 

Reflection. Revelation. Resolution.

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Looking back at my blog, I’ve not been keeping this blog for the longest time. I post less than the years before. Probably due to the 2 weeks Europe trip, there’s been lots of to-do list, chores, work, and mommy’s duty that I’m constantly running to fulfill. Even when I’m relaxing, I’m thinking about the next task that I need to manage, the next chores that I need to complete. I’m becoming a machine, running around from the moment I wake up to the moment I fell asleep, so much so that I’ve forgotten how to enjoy the moment. I’ve come to this realization when hubs brought me for a surprise movie after work, instead of savoring the moment, my mind starts to scramble and I got antsy worrying for the kids, as well as the chores that I set out to do (i.e. getting the school uniform).

I’ve also realized that I start getting impatient, easily annoyed especially when it comes to the kids. I yelled, I screamed and I’m constantly rushing them that I get so frustrated and I let it out on my kids. I can see myself turning into someone that I loathe and I started to ask myself, how does all the Instagram mommy do it? Their life seems flawless – obedient kids, astounding well being, houses that seems magically clean 24/7. And I feel so awful soon after.

In December, I came across 3 things that made me discover a new revelation and made me embark on the journey of mindfulness:

  1. This video
  2. This tweet
  3. This magazine

And so, I started these 3 routines:

Writing morning pages.
Social Media Detox.
Meditation.

And it helps. I started to write, remind myself to be grateful for the little things (again), be in the moment and celebrate each milestone (instead of losses), one day at a time. Cutting off social media gained me so much time to indulge in reading, spending quality time with kids. Although I don’t see myself gaining much from meditation, I do want to continue it as a motivation to keep me calm and focus.

As we’re coming to an end of year 2018, there will not be any resolution but to continue these routines of mindfulness and hopefully I (& my family) see a better version of myself in this coming new year.

 

 

509.

photo6309624635536287784509. A day that we Malaysians will remember deeply in our hearts.
509. A day where we see the unsung heroes living amongst us, near or far.
509. A day we united as one.
509. A day where we have come a long long way.
509. A day I see so many unwavering faiths of Malaysians striving towards one goal.
509. A day I learn that its never too late to right the wrongs from the past.
509. A day we truly learn the meaning of HARAPAN – HOPE – 希望
509. A day that we tell our children that we voted, for all the sane reasons, that we were hopeful.

In God we trust, in Him we surrender. Please be with us today.

Reading, lately.

Hello February…
It felt like January just whiz by, time is ticking way faster than seconds. There’s always so much to do, so much to complete, so much to tick off the list. My resolution to live a slower 2018 seems far fetch, but its ok, I know I will get there…

Last year I finished reading ‘When Breath becomes Air’, ‘Bringing up Bebe’ and ‘Simple Matters’. All three are of 3 very different genre and I enjoyed all of them very much.

When Breath becomes Air
Two words: Hauntingly beautiful. As I flip through the pages, it pains me to know that the author, a remarkable surgeon, gifted writer, loving father and devoted husband has departed. It was an honour to read this memoir. Every sentence, every words is filled with courage, strength, resilience and love when he’s come face to face with death itself. The epilogue by Lucy made me choke and tear (who wouldn’t?). So much life juxtaposition (life/death, doctor/patient, faith/fate) that made you question what matters most at the end of the day?

Bringing up Bebe by Pamela Druckerman
This books pretty sums up the way Asian parent bringing up their kids, except that it’s a lot milder for the French. I love the brutal honest insights and opinions of the author starting from pregnancy, childbirth, toddler-hood. I love how the book is written with humorous anecdote, lively commentary and well researched content.

I love how Druckerman concludes the first chapter of the book “There are dozens of books offering Americans helpful theories on how to parent differently. I haven’t got a theory…. I’m starting with the outcome and working backward to figure out how the French got there. It turns out that to be a different kind of parent, you don’t just need a different parenting philosophy. You need a very different view of what a child actually is.”

I’m still working my way to parent differently even for my own 2 kids, so I’ll definitely revisit this book in time to come.

Simple Matters by Erin Boyle
Having being an avid reader of Reading my tea leaves, I knew about the book that she wrote. I hesitate for awhile as I thought that, being her blog follower I would probably have read most of the contents. In my quest towards living minimally and cultivate simpler lifestyle, this books resonates so well in how I want to approach life on day-to-day basis.

Current read: Elon Musk by Ashlee Vance
Next bucket list: The Bright Hour by Nina Riggs & Zero Waste Home by Bea Johnson.

 

 

Kids.

20180126_070015This was how my eldest’s breakfast look like before he drop it flat on the floor. While I was busy preparing breakfast for hubbs and myself, I expect my boy to finish up his and get dressed to his school uniform. However I was greeted with a ‘twack!’. I turned around, there my 6 yearold with his spoon up, and that piece of omelette on the floor. Furious, I went over pick up the omelette and put it back on his plate and say: ‘I swear to God JH if you dont finish it in 5 minutes time, I’m gonna take your food away’. With that he hurridly chomp down the food and said: “Mommy I finish!” Sigh, kids. Why do they act like that?

To a slower 2018.

IMG_20180107_073755_838Taking a few steps back, live a little slower.
Looking back the past year, I felt that a lot of my energy was poured on social media and online reading. Somehow, the more I read/watch, the more drawn I was to read/watch, afraid of missing any news feed/article. As I grew older, time are so precious to me that I want to focus on things that are important: my family, my health, my work, my mini goals to be better. I will venture into making food (& coffee) more, read a little more and just basically go a little slower whenever I’m not working.

Taking baby steps on sustainability.
Instead of focusing on ‘zero waste’, I would like to start by ‘reducing waste’. It’s rather challenging for working mom like me to discard all food that comes with packaging (whether it’s bio or non biodegradable materials). Instead I’ve decided to take baby steps, consuming less, conscious buying and generally remind myself to reduce carbon footprint wherever possible. As small as it is,  we’ll make gradual shift in our in our habits to safeguard the planet we call home. Some tips here if you’re striving towards reducing waste like me.

Taking on slow parenting.
Slow parenting cherishes quality over quantity, being in the moment, and making meaningful connection with your family,” an excerpt about slow parenting in this article. I loved the idea about simply watching your children. I’ve been showering both JH & JN together during the weekends, it started all because I wanted to cut short the time, but they ended up giggling and having so much fun scrubbing down each other, playing with water, buckets and empty shampoo bottles. Its these moments that I take my time to just look at them, to soak up all their innocence and goofiness that it breaks my heart from overflowing sweetness. Those precious moments made me feel like the luckiest person be their mommy.

There, these are my 3 little resolution towards a slower (hopefully better) 2018. What’s yours?

 

 

 

 

If the kettle could talk…

Screenshot_20171231-151530If the kettle could talk…It will tell you how it has witness the family expanded from married couple into family of four.

If the kettle could talk… It will tell you how he saw the married couple shed tears of frustration when they’re all alone due to work stress and the adversity they encounter.

If the kettle could talk… It will tell you the courage the married couple embraced to make a career change in their lives.

If the kettle could talk… It will tell you that it has travelled to 3 different homes, where it has withstand a broken lid and a damaged light, yet still provide impeccable service.

If the kettle could talk, it will tell you the latenight oils that the couple burn to complete assignments, study for exams, rushing for work deadlines and presentation.

If the kettle could talk… It will tell you that the married couple had exchange countless morning kisses and had long chat about love, life and the future while making coffee/breakfast over the counter.

If the kettle could talk… It will tell you the many banters and arguments between the married couple, and how they always make up with a warm cup of tea, as they vowed to never go to bed angry and leaving matters unresolved.

If the kettle could talk… It will tell you how worried the grief stricken parents whenever their children fall sick, the countless sleepless night where they rely on coffee to stay awake.

If the kettle could talk… It will give you an advice: Most times, the worst thing in life will boiled over; that everything will cool down when it reach to a boiling point. Live life, let go and move on, because, life is too short to hold grudges  & bereavement. 

Adious my faithful servant, thank you for your loyal service throughout the years. I still remember how excited we were when we decided to bought you 5 years ago at Harvey Norman’s store, and because you were pricey, we make you as a birthday gift to Johan. You have contribute to our lives more than you think, for that we’re grateful.