The festive week had passed and we’ll be back to work/school tomorrow. During this whole week where I’m with the kids 24/7, I’ve noticed behavioral issues, especially with JH. He’s constantly ignoring our instruction, talk back, whines and complain about Every.Single.Thing. My irritation towards my him have reached a record high. I just feel so defeated all the time.
About a year ago, we’ve come to realized that he’s a sensitive kid and we’ve been cautiously telling ourselves that we need to customize our parenting to suit his expressive emotional behavior. Clearly, not being strict enough seems to be the root cause of all that awful behavior now. The worse thing is his little sister is imitating all those bad manners/action and it just drives my nuts! Both of them are very blessed in that they haven’t had many stresses or struggles in their life. And I’ve beginning to think JH is at the age where he needs to understand that he can’t take things for granted. He needs to earn it, whether it’s TV time, toys, play time or anything that he desires. That’s when I realized I need to pull my shit together and be a better parent if I want to raise them up as solid, reliable, well-grounded and capable kids.
I do not want to give excuses for his sensitive-ness for bad behaviour. That’s why I’ve decided to stop coddling him. Tough love it is for him as much as it breaks my heart sometimes. I’m worried if I don’t correct him now, it’ll be too late. The last thing we want is to let his sensitivity and emotional baggage kept him away from all the lost opportunity.
Things finally got better at the end of the day when hubbs told me he had finally passed his swimming exam to advance to the next level (after 15 months!). It gave me a vision of the lights at the tunnel somehow. And I finally realized how much effort I need to invest in my kids to ensure they are brought up well into fine person.
Bitter. Sweet. Boiling temper. Melted heart. This parenting thing is so bloody tricky.
Taking a few steps back, live a little slower.
Looking back the past year, I felt that a lot of my energy was poured on social media and online reading. Somehow, the more I read/watch, the more drawn I was to read/watch, afraid of missing any news feed/article. As I grew older, time are so precious to me that I want to focus on things that are important: my family, my health, my work, my mini goals to be better. I will venture into making food (& coffee) more, read a little more and just basically go a little slower whenever I’m not working.
Taking baby steps on sustainability.
Instead of focusing on ‘zero waste’, I would like to start by ‘reducing waste’. It’s rather challenging for working mom like me to discard all food that comes with packaging (whether it’s bio or non biodegradable materials). Instead I’ve decided to take baby steps, consuming less, conscious buying and generally remind myself to reduce carbon footprint wherever possible. As small as it is, we’ll make gradual shift in our in our habits to safeguard the planet we call home. Some tips here if you’re striving towards reducing waste like me.
Taking on slow parenting.
Slow parenting cherishes quality over quantity, being in the moment, and making meaningful connection with your family,” an excerpt about slow parenting in this article. I loved the idea about simply watching your children. I’ve been showering both JH & JN together during the weekends, it started all because I wanted to cut short the time, but they ended up giggling and having so much fun scrubbing down each other, playing with water, buckets and empty shampoo bottles. Its these moments that I take my time to just look at them, to soak up all their innocence and goofiness that it breaks my heart from overflowing sweetness. Those precious moments made me feel like the luckiest person be their mommy.
There, these are my 3 little resolution towards a slower (hopefully better) 2018. What’s yours?
This happens couple weekends ago where all 3 of us enjoyed the garden below our condo all by ourselves. It was quiet, except it was filled with giggling and yapping sound from my 5 year old; while my one year old explore grass for the very first time…
The last pic had me weeping with gratitude and joy.
I had been working really hard for the past couple of weeks, simply because most of the projects are kicking in all at the same time. Each projects requires meeting(s), that proceeds to tonnes of coordination, that leads to loads of drawings/design that needs to be churned out. I was exhausted.
Then 2 days ago, our eldest boy woke up and started to puke. He was unwell, down with cough, fever and flu. Seeing him so weak and helpless, I knew I need to put all my work behind and focus on him. I remind myself that my family comes first and that work could wait.
And so hubbs and I take turns to take care of him and it felt good to be detach from my work and focus on my kid. With a sick kid, comes with lots of chores, your laundry time and cleaning time doubled (to ensure disinfectant is done regularly), especially after a few puking incident.
Its days like this makes me appreciate my time with them even more. It’s times like this I crave for a slower, simpler life even more.
These morning for the past week have been difficult. Hubbs and I weren’t getting enough sleep. We’re tired, grouchy and when it was topped with a whiny, grumpy kid who refused to get ready for school (especially when you know you’re going to be shit late if you don’t leave the house in 10 mins)… the house was infused with explosion of bickering, shouting, tears, and we end up ruin the morning (and our mood). Sigh.
I know he’s a good kid; compassion, friendly, kind and funny, but I have to admit that I have the whiniest kid, who would argue and negotiate his way out of all the things that I’ve instructed him to do. If he doesn’t win the negotiation, Boom!, he become this really irritable person that’s just unbearable sometimes. While I know he’s at the development stage of experimenting with boundaries and rules (especially we just sent him to a more discipline-oriented kindergarten), I don’t want to do a crappie job in setting the foundation of his attitude and personality.
…and then this morning, amidst our chaotic rush where hubbs need to attend a really really important event, this guy insist to finish his Lego truck. I heard myself nag & growl andin response he defy and insist he wants to complete building this truck. And he did, just right before we dash out the door. (Double) sigh.
Then I drop him off to school, he left the truck in the car. Then I drove to office and park my car. Then I took a good minute and observe this ‘truck’ that almost made me lose my shit this morning. Suddenly, all the angst, frustration is gone. I’m so in awe with this truck that he made. It’s proportion, symmetry not to mention the colours… I’m so proud of him!
(Triple) Sigh… the struggle is REAL. It’s parenthood, sometimes you loathe it and sometimes things like this just makes you all mushy. As our good friend Madam Lu said: ‘Tis’ the season of (parenting) life’.
P.S.: (I still love him to bits.)
Lately, my eldest will utter these words when I put him to bed. It used to be hubbs who would put him to bed, where after the usual night routine (brush teeth, pee, had scott, emulsion & vitamins, wear his socks, say his prayers), he will sing a song of JH’s choice. Among JH’s favourite songs are:
- Summer of 69
- Only You
- Can’t Help Falling In Love (He called this ‘Wise Man’ song. LOL)
- Eternal Flame
- Wonderful World
- Moon River
But hubbs had been working late for awhile now, so most of the days I gotta put that cheeky monkey to bed. I don’t know how it happen but I must have slept on his bed with him a couple of times, and somehow it just because something that he’s attached to, even if its for 5 minutes. It just so happened that around this time, we’ve established Junna’s sleeping habit, so we can just put her in her crib (after her last feed around 9pm), and she’ll go to sleep on her own, and bless me some time to spend with his gorgor before the day ends.
It may seem like a very little gesture but I know it means the world to him whenever I spend a few minutes with him on bed before sleep. He will choose the sides he’d like to sleep on, ask me to hug him tighter, share the blacket with me, tell me what he wants for his bento breakkie etc…I don’t know when I start to appreciate this precious little time with him, but it just overwhelms me whenever I think about how fast he’s growing up and one day, he wouldn’t want me to sleep on his bed anymore.
So for now, my dear baby Ju, I will sleep with you for as long as you want me to.
She sleep like an angel.
At about 1.5 months old, she quit her midnight feed by herself gradually. From then on, all we need to do is just carry her for about 10-15 minutes (mostly) and she’ll fall asleep. We had been doing that until couple weeks ago hubbs said we should let her fall asleep on her own (instead of carrying her), just like how we did with JH when he was about 6 months old. I hesitated for a while and put it off because I know I will miss carrying her to sleep ( & also cause she’s my last baby). So I waited, but somehow early this week we decided to try it, as we try to minimize our contact with her since JH has conjunctivitis and some viral flu. We put her in the crib, we tell her that it time for bed and she needs to go to sleep. Whispering night night, we planted kissesat her forehead before closes her bedroom door.
On the first night, she fuss a little (making sounds as if pleading us to go in and carry her). We went in, she stop immediately and we decide to pat her to sleep. About 5 minutes on, she dozed off! We did this not expecting it to be easy (with JH, we did the CIO method). With her, she just made it so easy for us. Second night, 3rd night and thereafter, all we need to do is just put her in the crib, repeat those same phrases to her, switch off the light and close the door. Occasionally if I still hear her making sound after 5 minutes, I just need to go in, gave her a few pat and she will fall right back to sleep.
Thank you baby Junna for making it easy for mommy & dada. You somehow fit into our lives perfectly when we weren’t certain how to cope with you coming into our lives. You’re truly Godsent from above. I’m so blessed to be your momma!
We went to pick up JH’s first pair of glasses immediately after we came back from HK. As much as we’re pretty bum about him needing to wear his glasses so young, he’d receive so much compliments on FB from friends & family! Hubbs said that ‘its as if God made his face to wear glasses’. I literally LOL. Haha.
So the other day after school, he somewhat was particularly whiny + moody, so I got angry and gave him a earful. But during the whole time, as I was scolding him, I can felt my heart melts into a mush of love. Why? Because he’s so darn cute with that pair of glasses!!! Especially when his tears start to stream and stayed at the rim of the glasses.
Seriously I have trouble holding myself from hugging & cuddling him, but of course I kept a straight face. Of course he apologies and I sent him to bed. An hour later, I crept into him room and give him a goodnight kiss on the forehead.
Better not let him see this, if not he’ll hold my emotion for ransom. Hah!
Our baby girl turns 3 month old yesterday! She’s grown quite a bit (no longer a wee little pea!). She is indeed a sweet little pea. After turning 1 month shortly, she has started to sleep through the night. She’s so quiet sometimes that I would forgot that she’s there. She hardly cries, her tears are mostly for legitimate reasons e.g. hungry, wet nappy and when she needs a cuddle to sleep.
Before her arrival, I have doubts whether I will be able to love her as much as I love JH. 3 months passes by and I’m marveled how much I love this little pea of mine! I love her toothless smile, her cooing sound and how she likes to snug her head onto my chest when she wants to sleep. Everything about her is just perfect!
Happy 3 months old baby girl, I feel so blessed to be your mommy.
The last time we came here, I was still a parent of 1 (with Junna inside my belly). I miss the grassy smell, the flopping fish at the pond, the noise of the children, the glaring but glorious sunshine, the ever-so-fierce looking monkey, I miss everything about it. Hubbs and Junna went for walk while I just accompany JH at the playground. He was so happy! He went up and down the slide, run around the play gym, bouncing, climbing, skipping…. He was so engross in all the playing that just occasionally he will look around searching for me (just to make sure I’m still there).
As I seated there, watching him soak in total bliss, I ponder, and I realized that sometimes I just forgot that he’s still just a little boy; who loves to play, who loves candy, chocolate and crackers and flavoured juice. 3 going 4, he loves his trucks to bits, he likes to play with his Lego over and over again. And I ask myself, what’s wrong with that? Do I want to stripped away the purity and innocence in him just because he’s a little behind his writing? While he’s growing and developing, there bound to be changes in behavior, attitude and personality; And I sometimes just forgot to see that. I want the best in the world for him, but would the best make him happy in the end?
And thus I’d decided to take a step back, and make a change in our parenting approach. I want to worry less about bad grades, instead make sure that he’s always interested and curious to learn. Instead of harping on his weakness, perhaps it’s time for me to focus on his strength. Hopefully with motivation, inspiration and good values we are able to mould and steer him to be better.