The Golden Hour.

They say that the first hour after you wake up is known as the ‘Golden Hour’. So many researches have been published that corroborate that waking up early increases productivity and your well-being.

For as long as I can remember, I suck at waking up early. Somehow my body response to waking up when the first ray of sunlight hit me (i.e. 7am). Things changed when my eldest started morning class this year, and I have no choice but to drag myself out of bed every morning at 5:30am.

After settling him to school, I start my morning hike at 6:25am. I loved that it’s pitch black, with the street lights still on, I could sometimes catch a glimpse of tiny stars in the sky. The best part of the hike is not just the quietness and the crisp air, but that small window time where I can listen to motivating podcast to reset my mind and re-shift my perspective. So far, my favourite is this. I complete my hike/run within an episode and I will have a good 30 – 40 minutes to myself before the little one wakes up.

During this time, I will usually watch YT videos/TED Talk, read on Blinkist/Curio/Lucid/Sintelly app, while having bread & coffee. For me, morning is the best time to absorb as much knowledge and goodness as I can, whilst setting the intention of the day.   

Benjamin Disraeli said: “Nurture great thoughts. For you will never go higher than your thoughts.”

With this routine, I find my morning so reposeful & purposeful. I have time to think, and gather my thoughts, and do some reflection (journaling), and also do some brain-dump so I can set out what I need to do for the day.

Family Picture.

Today, we had our usual car conversation along the drive to daycare, which usually includes reminders ie finishing his homework, have good table manners, bring back all his belongings, etc. We also talk about movie effects in which after he saw a giant Jurassic poster on a building). From there I explained the role of a director in orchestrating the process of filmmaking. I asked him if he wants to be one since he loves watching movies, creative, and has a great imagination, which he declined, he said he wants to be a scientist. I asked him why doesn’t try to focus and pay attention more to Science subject since he loves it so much, in which he revealed that he finds it boring as he doesn’t understand most of the context in Chinese.

We continued to talk about how we need to wake up earlier starting next week when school starts. Then the conversation below happens:

JH: Do I still have to wake up so early when I attend University?
Me: Not necessarily, that depends on where you live.
JH: Ohh yes, when I’m at university, I will live on my own, in a room with a bed and a table.
Me: Who told you that?
JH: You mommy. You said that before, that I have to live on my own during university
Me: Ohh right… (I don’t even remember saying that). Yes, that room is called Hostel.
JH: Mommy, when I’m staying in the hostel, can you give me a family picture of you, dada & Junna so I can look at it?

At that moment, my eyes got teary. My child, who’s 9 years old, wasn’t thinking about his transformers, or his Lego, or his comic books; he was thinking about his family, 10 years down the road, when he’s alone, in his hostel room. At that moment, I couldn’t care less that he’s forgetful, careless, impulsive, or inattentive, instead, I’m gleaming with pride with his empathy, emotional perception, and how close he held his family to his heart.

As my heart swelled with gratitude (& joyful tears), I smile, because I know we must have done something right in parenthood.

I will try again.

Most mornings were tough. I loathe School at Home – because being at home with my ADHD kid (who’s pretty much allergic to virtual class) is just torturous. The inability to focus and following instructions,whilst spending every second ‘daydreaming’ just drives me nuts. Nearly every morning he give me excuse (or so we thought) not able to focus at class – sensitive nose, itchy body, itchy eyes that results in both of us getting frustrated, agitated and just in total despair.

Somehow we notice his body starts to indicate bug bites, and it just takes a long time to heal. We thought it was just mosquitos’ bites (as we were outdoor pretty often) and didn’t think much about it as the rest of us were fine. Day after day, the itchy eye/nose/skin recurs and our daily battle continue. Even though our family GP opined that it’s nothing to be worried, I started to pay attention to the bite wounds more. As I observe, something prompted me to seek specialist opinion. I am so thankful we did that, as it turns out my poor kid were being attacked by dust mites that was found in really really old books gifted by a family member, which he’d been indulging himself in for the last couple of months. As the cause of the itch unveiled, I felt a huge sense of relieve, also tremendous feel of guilt. I felt awful for faulting him of creating further excuses to not focus in class. I blame myself for not able to look pass his ADHD transgressions to know that he’s not physically well. It’s not just the itch incident, when I think back all the times I yell, lose my temper and say hurtful phrases like: “Why can’t you…” and “I wish you would…” without thinking, I feel total wreckage of bring a parent. At that split seconds, I hurl those words to express my anger and pain, but all he probably hear was me blaming and shaming him for having a mental condition that he have absolutely no control of. I was supposed to be his biggest cheerleader and I failed so badly.

Parenting a child with ADHD (especially during this pandemic) is not pleasant, pretty and far from perfect. Only when he started to return to daycare today that I managed to find some ounce of space and courage in my heart to write this up, to note that I mess up, and to remind myself to do better. I’ll most probably mess up again and again, but I promise I’ll always pick myself up and try again, Every. Single. Morning.